Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Counterflow 2013

Last November 30, 2013, I attended this parenting seminar called Counterflow: Raising Successful Kids in Today's World. It was graced by two great speakers: Dr. Peter Tanchi and Francis Kong, both are masters in their own individual fields but both hearts tied to one God. It was an 8-5 PM engagement, but due to the high demand and traffic; it started almost 9 AM. Some people have been asking me why I ever thought of attending such a seminar when I do not even have children, well here is the thing...I did not exactly grew up in the Hollywood family perfect setting. I had my fair share of laughs and cries. So I wondered, what exactly do I need to be or do so that I can be a better parent someday. Call me paranoid, cause I am. I was curious and I'm glad I did attend cause now more than ever, I know I have so much to learn...but with a good starting point. 



 It started out with a little girl praying for all the parents and would be parents someday. The seminar was hosted by Edric Mendoza. It was a very jampacked seminar that only had 2 10 minute breaks and 1 1 hour lunch break. So I would like to share with everyone the nuggets I have gained, hope they bless you too.

1. High grades are not really important, what is important is the discipline and character of a kid. Invest time in that.
2. Study habits are different per kid, we cannot enforce what we know.
3. We have to take caution that everyone is made differently and not delivering will not change our LOVE.
4. 2 Things that are important for Francis Kong: High Confidence and People Skills; both of which should be founded on Godly characters.
5. Be ingenious and simplify the complicated.
6. The 21st generation is a now a generation of firsts.
7. Have engagements with your children that are intentionally fun. Have dinner with them everyday and talk about FUN things.
8. Parenting begins at home.
9. Parents are faced with a lot of challenges. That is why people should be prepared before they step into parenthood.
10. Parents need to learn how to tune out thoughts and listen to their kids when they need someone to listen to them. 
11. "Parenting is a privilege and not a birthright" mentality. Kids nowadays have grown to be cocky and have this sense of entitlement that parents need to take more control of.
12. Kids are a mere reflection of their parents or whoever raise them up.
13. It is wise to be strict at the start and grow loose as they get older. Trust is fundamental in a child's development. But only give it to them when they are old enough to make their own judgement.
14.  Reward actions that you want to be repeated. Do not give into whining and crying.
15. You have to be a parent first before a friend. Your job as a parent is to teach and guide kids. Parents impose discipline and provide direction with love and care.
16. Parents work as a team. It is a hands on management. No delegating to other "people" as it might cause unforeseen changes.
17. Some pointers on arguing: no fighting in front of the kids, do not quarrel about money, always side with your husband even if he is on the wrong...talk to him about it afterwards, do a SWOT analysis with your spouse - let the person handle things he/she is great on.
18. Teach your children to love God more than they love you, love God more than your spouse.
19. "No amount of success in business will excuse an absence of state in the home." Invest on the right things.
20. Success is not solely dependent on IQ, instead it pays more importance to EQ.
21. Counter flow parenting is not automatic, it takes TIME, INTENTIONALITY, and ENERGY.
22. Try an activity wherein you put several marbles in a jar and take one marble each week. This will remind you that your time with your kid is limited... and you should cherish each moment.
23. Establishing good memories with your children on the onset will bring back your children back to you in the future. They will visit you for the good memories you had.
24. Different types of parenting: Helicopter, Child-Centric, Barkada, Passive, Drill Sergeant, Heart Parenting
25. Parents need to aim to be HEART PARENTs this means that  they train the heart of the kid. The heart is the battleground, it is where values and principles are setup. Win the hearts of your children and mold it properly. Cause the greater your relationship is, you have a bigger chance of influence. The key to knowing their heart is by LISTENING.
26. "The more they love you, the more they want to please you."
27. LOVE DOES NOT GIVE UP. Keep demonstrating your love over time.
28. The more you listen, the more you will understand. The more you understand, the more you can influence.
29. Build FUN memories by making TIME. People appreciate acceptance and non judgement. Focus your time when you are with them.
30. Principles of the HEART: INTENTIONAL. RELATIONAL. MODELING. CAST VISION. CONNECT TO GOD.
31. Modeling is all about authenticity and not perfection.
32. The first 10 years of a child is their learning period. They learn like a sponge and absorb everything they are exposed to.
33. There is a benefit of asking feedback from your kids on how you can improve better as a parent.
34. "VALUES ARE CAUGHT not taught."
35. The 12 years of a boy is very important for his development. Do not degrade any profession, let him explore his boundaries and push his creativity.
36. "Success without succession is failure."
37. "Every movement should be milestones. Milestones to memories."
38. Build a Legacy not Inheritance.
39. Discipline involves pain. But it must be in a controlled environment including the parent's emotions. This is to stop bad behaviors from repeating. Make sure the child understand what is happening and make sure to hug/reassure them of your love afterwards.
40. 2 important things at a household: OBEY and RESPECT. Treat each other with respect and forgive each other.
41. Kids need to understand that God has a wonderful plan for them. They can be assured of the future and the blessings it holds. They can be thankful. They are special and they can exude god-confidence. Be givers and not takers.
42. Kids need to understand the value of FIRSTS <kiss, hug, card, etc..>.
43. Let your children know that you are always on their side.
44. Teach them to stand for Christ and not be conformed with the world. Not to love the world but to influence the world.

More things will be added as I receive the slides used in this seminar. But the things above are my personal notes. Hope they bless you.

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